I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
