You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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