Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
