I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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