We're facebook friends in real life
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
