He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
