I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
