Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
