i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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