The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
