Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
