when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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