I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
