I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
