well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
