I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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