I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
