Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I touched a dick in church today
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
