Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
