I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
