By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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