is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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