Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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