I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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