M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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