she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
