On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
