I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
we're so committed to being not committed
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