He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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