Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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