PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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