So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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