Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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