i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
