Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
