haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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