Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
