She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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