You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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