I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
COCAINE IS GR8
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
