His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize