I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
