Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize