Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
