Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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