8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize