if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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