my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize