Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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