just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
