You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
