Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Randomize
