It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
