We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
