Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
accomplished twins. life is a go
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
