wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Randomize
