Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
