Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
